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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reaction is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {